What Do Women Want?

Disclaimer: This entry is not an attempt at telling men how to get into a woman’s head or a woman’s pants.. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the wrong place my friend. Neither is my area of expertise. I just try stuff until something works like most men.

This question truly gets the hamster wheel going sometimes. I think the answer is: “everything they can get their pretty little well manicured hands on”. Did that sound sexist? It was supposed to. Since women are running the damn world, sexism is just a figment of our imaginations now, right? So I think it should be funny by now.

Here’s my beef, ladies.. *immature snicker* Anyway.. Women have come very far. Now that isn’t to say that you’ve reached full equality with men. In reality, that may never happen.. Would you like to know why? Because that’s not what you ladies really want. The second a man and a woman have any equivalent job and make the exact same amount of money will be the second women can no longer hold men to our traditional gender role in a relationship. Though considering Sigmund Freud’s theory about women and penis envy, maybe I’m wrong. o_O

Let’s be real, most of you ladies have already stepped out of or never intended to be in YOUR traditional role. Show of hands how many ladies feel it is their duty to watch the kids, do the dishes, handle the laundry, clean the house, cook dinner, and in general, do what the man says. Hmm.. one, two, ZERO! You remember those days.. Maybe not personally, but your grandmother could tell you some stories.

What are ladies doing today? Whatever the hell you want. Playing basketball, telling jokes, running businesses, fighting for their country, defending clients in court, cutting into patients, damn near running the United States. Of course that last one is an almost, but it’s only a matter of time, ladies.. You know you don’t get to do stuff until after the minority males get their shot.

Here’s where your greed comes into play. Women still expect to be courted. Women still expect to have babies. Women still expect a dominant sexual partner.. OK, I’m mostly joking, but dig this one.. Women still seem to want all the freedom to lead the household without actually taking on the responsibility of it. I believe there isn’t a single working woman who is willing to be the sole provider in her household. You know what I mean.. have your man be a house husband. I can already hear the OOOs like I just said a four letter word. That’s gonna be the new profanity for the 2010s. Shut the house husband up!!

From personal experience and basic observation, I have learned that if a man is not working and a woman is, resentment and lack of respect builds. Does the man deserve it? Well.. does a housewife deserve it? Most women would say no if I asked the second question first. A woman not seeing the big picture would sit here and try to undo all the progress women have made saying something along the lines of, “Well if she’s able to work, she should be workin’!” Nice try imaginary lady in my head, but I’m not buying it.

With great power comes great responsibility.. You saw Spider Man!! All of you lovely ladies are as much heroes now as us. You might look a lot better in your spandex than we do, but you’re still our equals now. Equality can’t come where you want it, but be shunned where you don’t. It’s not fair is it, ladies? That’s what comes with the territory. Welcome to the world formally known as “A man’s world but nothing without a woman”. Now it’s simply “A man’s and a woman’s world in perfect equality and harmony” or “Our World” for short.

However.. As I said in the beginning. I don’t think you ladies will let it come to that. A lot of y’all be on that independent woman sh*t, but you would LOVE for a man to truly treat you like a lady.. at least from time to time. I can’t be mad at that. I’m old fashioned myself. So, ladies…. here’s a rose:


Now go make me a sandwich..


What Is A Hater?

Person A: “Yo..”
Person B: “What’s up?”
Person A: “You see that light-skinned guy over there with the blond hair?”
Person B: “The what!?”
Person A: “Right there, he’s gotta Mohawk or somethin'”
Person B: “OMG.. That’s the dumbest most supidest thing I’ve ever seen..”
Person A: “I know, right? He looks like a Spartan on crack..”
Person B: “LOL, or the Trojan Man!”
Person A: “..on crack!! LOL!”
Person B: “He looks like a rooster!!”
Person A: “Cock-a-doodle-doo, mu’ph*ka!!”
Person B: “Ha!! Hey, how come you always get to go first?”
Person A: “Because I’m A, stupid!”

*end scene*

I’ve imagined this and similar conversations during my worldly travels with my Golden Mohawk at full blaze. Not because I’m insecure, but I have endured such ridicule my entire life during moments I’ve stepped outside of the box.. This sort of thing would have bothered me once. However, I have learned a few things over the years that prevent me from sweating the small things. First, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you really aren’t having enough fun in life. Second, haters are going to hate regardless.. What’s that you ask? What is a hater? Well I’ll tell you..

I’d like to begin by defining the base word, “hate”. All the online dictionaries point to the definition of hate being “an intense dislike” for something. So if I say I hate carrots, that means that if I saw one on the street, it’s probably gonna be a bad day for carrots (watch your back, carrots).. And if I say I hate black people, I’m a racist and shall burn in hell.

Now in order to truly understand what a hater is, there’s another subject we must examine from which it originates.. the “player”. Players were the first people to have haters, given the phrase, “player hater”. If you were a player, you were typically a man or woman who juggled (boobs and/or balls) several members of your gender of attraction (perhaps both, you dirty dirty whore you). A player hater is a person who does not appreciate or attempts to thwart the efforts of the player’s “game”.

For example, The Player is riding in the passenger seat, The Player’s Lover A is driving, and The Player’s frienemy (The Player Hater) is in the back seat. As they stop at a stop sign in front of a store in a shopping plaza, out steps The Player’s Lover B. The Player notices and ducks down in the seat to prevent from being “caught up”. The Player Hater rolls down the window and calls The Player’s Lover B over. Player hateration is in effect. See diagram below.

Since then, many have dropped the player prefix and use the term “hater” to describe people who attempt to defeat their efforts at other activities and expertise beyond dishonest polygamy. This is typically assumed to be due to dislike and/or jealousy. These attempts can include but are not limited to blatant disrespect (f*k yo’ couch!), making declarations about ability (don’t quit your day job), picking fun at failures (#fail), and downplaying victories (you call that a knife?).

Hater is a word that has definitely become overused and misconstrued throughout its young life. Now everyone and their unborn child have haters (fetus haters?). Truth is, that’s not so farfetched. How many people have heard someone tell them not to have kids, that they’re gonna be screwed up? The problem is that no one wants to admit when they’re hating. They’re tired of being called a hater and like to say things like, “It’s not hating, it’s just stating the truth.” YOUR NEGATIVE OPINION IS NOT TRUTH, bucko! I don’t care how strongly you feel about it.

A hater, in general, is a person who believes (admittedly or otherwise) that everything in the world is made FOR THEM. They believe that if there is something in the world that does not appeal to their interests, it’s something the world could do without.. even if their distaste puts them in the minority of opinion havers.

My best example of this has to be Justin Bieber. Many want to call him names and say bad things about the masses of people who love him simply because they themselves don’t like him. I personally am not quite a fan, but I am willing to use my special key and open my mind to him because there’s gotta be something special about ’em to have the most video views on YouTube and to be compared to Michael Jackson. The intense hateration going on allows me to predict that some of you are highly upset by that statement.. Settle down, haters.. Settle down.

There are many kinds of haters. Some people hate because they have nothing else better to do (get a life, haters). Some people hate for entertainment (yo momma so fat..). Some people hate to fit in (hater meeting is in session.. what can we make up about Britney Spears today?).

The truth is, everyone HAS haters (even babies) and everyone IS a hater at any given time. I’m sure you can recall a time when you mentioned something you liked or didn’t like and someone looked at you like you just karate chopped a puppy. It’s not the opinion.. it’s the need to force that opinion on others. I’m also sure you’ve given the same look.. You’re probably glancing up at my Mohawk pic right now with such a look. You just mad cuz you can’t pull it off so immaculately.

I’d also like to discuss a new breed of hater.. Yes, that’s right, haters are evolving. Truthfully, it’s not even new.. but it hasn’t quite had a name until now. Have you ever attempted to share something new and unique with someone and without even attempting to understand it, the person you tried to enlighten automatically generates negativity. That’s what I like to call “Auto-Hating“. Just like it reads, it’s hating on auto-pilot.

The most famous examples of auto-hating I’m aware of in history surround African-American and homosexual discrimination. Think about it. Being black wasn’t normal to whites once upon a time. Therefore, blacks got a bad deal automatically. The same goes for gays, though some homophobic black folks would throw up at such a comparison. There’s your The Mulatto vocabulary word for the week. Take that one home and do sentences.

So here’s the moral of all this jibber jabber. Nobody wants to be a hater.. so no one will ever admit to hating. Just because you don’t want to call it hating doesn’t mean that’s not what you’re doing. The next time you have a negative opinion about something, take a moment to ask yourself a few questions. Have I tried to see the good in this that I am about to hate on? Have I considered that my likes aren’t the universal likes of the world.. and that that’s ok? Is there anything morally wrong with this that I am about hate on, or am I just hating because I’m a hater? Am I a douche nugget who doesn’t have anything good to say about anything?

Please, universe.. I urge you. Think BEFORE you hate.

Do You Trust Barack Obama?

Disclaimer: Barack Obama is a topic of interest for me and shall continually come up in discussion. However, this is NOT a political blog. I hate politics.


The Black and White of Barack Obama


If there is any man in the world I would like to emulate I gotta say it’s my fellow mulatto, President Barack Obama. That’s got nothing to do with race either (mulatto awesomeness aside). Hell, any black man not brainwashed by hood dreams should want to be Barack Obama. The man’s got enough game to woo half the world let alone a woman; and that game has got him some kind of prize in the beautiful, strong, and intelligent Michelle Obama and their gorgeous children. He’s as cool as any man can possibly be (he’s at the top on a scale from 1 to Billy D) and he’s got more heart than any man I’ve ever heard of (except maybe Muhammed Ali). U gotta have heart to overcome the basic struggles that come from being black (half black = black, he woulda been a house negro) and be willing to take on the world’s problems. Not to mention being able to keep a level head and keep pushing forward even when the odds no longer seem in your favor.. i.e. your haters outnumber your fans.


Maybe I’m just rooting for the home team on this one (GOOO MULATTOS!), but Barack Obama can do no wrong in my eyes. I profess to be a good person.. in being a good person I feel like I can recognize other good people (like how gays recognize other gays and how Republicans recognize demons). I don’t see Barack Obama as “The President”, but as a good man with ALL the responsibility in the f*kin’ world. He’s a man trying to do what’s right the best way he knows how. I don’t feel that for many politicians.. Hell, I don’t feel that for any politician (can’t hate on Bill though..) His only visible flaw as a world leader as far as I can see (The Mulatto Perspective) is that he may not have as much experience one would want from the man who is supposed to fix the world. Perhaps if he was born on Krypton..


I know he busted out the gates as a phenomenon, talking that talk we like and becoming the first black president and all, but he still is just One Man (like Tank). Everybody can speculate about what he’s supposed to be doing, where he falls short (jump shot?), and why he’s wrong, but can you really tell a man how to do his job if you’ve never done that job yourself? In fact, I think every single person who says Barack is failing should have to take on his job for one week. FAIL gets tatted on the foreheads of those found crying in a corner before Sunday morning. As a matter of fact, I don’t think McCain would have been able to deal with the stress and would have passed on just to have an out.. and then The Palinator would have driven our country straight to hell.


Then, there’s the blatant Republican antagonism. I used to consider myself moderate (The Mulatto of Democrats and Republicans) but got played to the left so hard by that Republican mentallity that I just stayed left. Fox News and their crew of blood suckers (True Blood over Twilight) went at Obama on the daily, even before his approval rating began to fall. Thank God for that good shephard, Jon Stewart, for calling them out at each chance or the sheep (baaaa!) would be following the wolves into the woods.


Not trying to sound all radical left, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Repubs were behind the Oil Spill as a means of throwing dirt on the Obama administration. Don’t underestimate the power of a faction or group when they’re unhappy or losing. Examples: crack, AIDS, Jay-Z and the rap industry being associated with the devil. All of these things are considered by many of the revolutionaries as The Man’s attempts at penetrating and destroying the rise of black people in America. With an open mind, I can’t make accusations, but I won’t put it past them.


Back to the Obama.. Our President. Do you trust him? I believe that is what he needs most in order to make the real difference he’s meant to make. The haters are gonna do their best to hate, but if the people who claim to be on your side begin to falter, it becomes more difficult to continue on your path with confidence that it’s the right thing to do. So I ask again, do you trust your President to do the job or do you not?


Who is Rem The Mulatto?

The day wanes. I can see the fading effort of the sunshine attempting to pass beyond the blinds of my window. It may seem like an infinite ball of light, but the sun tires too. I ponder the synchronized way humanity follows the day. Rise when the day demands, and fall when the freaks come out. It’s strange how such rebellion can make you feel so free, but with that freedom comes the price of insecurity. Accidental poetry is the best poetry.. But to stay on topic, the planners tell the all day party people when it’s bed time. The party people tell the planners to live a little. Just another case of something vs. something opposite. Black vs. white. There’s always two sides.. Like an old school cassette tape, Side 1 and Side 2. What about Side 1 and a half? Well.. that’s where I come in.

Howdy folks. I’m Rem, your friendly neighborhood mulatto. Not just any mulatto. THE Mulatto. This is not to say that I’m the last mulatto. I know light skinned men went out of style, but it aint that deep.. This is just to say that being a mulatto is my most defining characteristic, therefore I embrace it and shall hereby be known as The Mulatto in third person conversation. If you see me on the streets, I won’t be mad if you call me The Mulatto.. just don’t forget the “The”. Otherwise it will feel derogatory and you won’t like me when I’m offended (Hulk The Mulatto?). If that’s too complicated for you, Rem or Remy will do fine.

The real question is, what am I going to write about? Hmm? Oh you’re waiting for ME to answer.. I was asking YOU! Hell I don’t know, I just made this account so that I could read other blogs on this site. I tell you what I do know though.. I’m going to entertain. I was born for it. You wouldn’t know by spending time with me in person because my nature is quiet and withdrawn. However, give me a creative outlet and my charisma, attitude, and intellect come spilling out like crazy out of Mel Gibson on a personal phone call. Poor guy..

Welcome to one of my many creative outlets. I hope you and I last forever.. or at least until I get rich enough off this sh*t to retire.. 😉