Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Because she has to come first. *wink*

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Hi. I’m your friendly neighborhood Nice Guy. All I want to do is meet a nice girl, fall in love, get married, make a few babies, and live happily ever after. I try to live by the love songs on my iPod and the romantic comedies on my DVR. If you give me a real chance, I’ll be everything you want me to be and more. I’ll pay your rent. I’ll buy your clothes. I’ll cook your dinner too. As soon as I get home from work. Cuz you’ve got that whip-appeal, baby.. Face it. I’m the one for you.

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Are you experiencing these symptoms? You may be suffering from being a total pussy. Grow a pair of these and call me in the morning..

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OK. That was mean.

I apologize, Nice Guy. It’s not your fault. You think being good is the sure-fire way to get the girl. I understand. I’ve been there.

*flashback*

Once upon a time there was a young mulatto that thought he found everything he was looking for in the girl up the street. She was a sweet and beautiful tender roni that had his heart from the day he met her. He thought that being a good guy was all he needed to have what he assumed was probably the love of his life. Eventually this young mulatto learned from the boy across the street who swooped in and took her virginity while the mulatto was in pursuit that girls want more than just a good guy. It was a hard but necessary lesson.

The truth is that women, especially the young/hot ones, have no idea what they want. Here’s an experiment. Ask a woman what she wants. Any answer other than “I don’t know” is probably hogwash with a hint of poppycock.

Mmm.. Spicy..

She may give you a laundry list of contradictory significant other traits that range from nice guy to P. Diddy in 60 seconds. “I want him to throw me against the wall during sex and cuddle me afterwards while I tell him my hopes and dreams.” I’m not your Superman, Karyn White! Actually.. No.. Wall sex and cuddling is quite reasonable. I’m sorry for yelling.

Some women do know what they want, but they don’t want to TELL you. They want you to use your magic stick to extract those thoughts out of their brain and into your Pensieve a la 50 Cent.. err.. I mean Harry potter. If you can’t do that, then you will end up in The Friend Zone.

Now here’s where things get interesting. You mad cuz YOU are in The Friend Zone. You can’t blame her. You can leave anytime. If you want to be her friend, then you should be happy that you are in The Friend Zone. But you want those benefits that the guys on the next floor get, huh? The Friends With Benefits Zone at least, right? No worries. When she has sampled ALL of the candidates with a More Than Friends Pass, you will have your shot. Just sit tight.

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Or..

Move the hell on! Have you not grown a pair yet?! We may need a second opinion. If you are in The Friend Zone, chances are you are over-reaching. You can’t reach for the stars and then be mad at the stars because you never reached them. Either you persevere or you fall. There is no charity in love and war.

So what do women really want? Only Mel Gibson knows.

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Here’s what I think. Women want a man they find interesting, has a little swag, is confident in himself, will please them in bed, is driven, can make them laugh, and is attractive in their eyes. You can’t define what these things are to her, but if you have enough of them (give or take) plus a few personalized likes of hers (nice guy, bad boy, whatever), then you are in there. If not, then she’s not the one for you anyway. Don’t forget, Nice Guy, you have standards as well, and I pray that it goes beyond a pretty face and a nice body.. Or you will lose EVERYTIME. But that’s a blog post for another day. Now go out there and be somebody!

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