Welcome To The Future, Marty

Nice jacket vest thing, bro..

Anyway, cars don’t fly or anything but they can be hijacked with a laptop.

Ain’t no real hoverboard. Lexus gave it their best shot before you got here. They made one out of an e-cigarette but it’s probably not what you’re expecting. The best you’ll get is in Los Angeles. Yeah they all stopped walking and ride around on automated sideways scooters with no handlebars now.

We got a black President. Yeah, bruh.. He’s wrapping up his second term and everything. He’s just a figure head tho. The Kardashian/Jenners run the country. You’re gonna wanna Google them later, then try as hard as you can to forget.

Google? Oh they rule the internet. Yeah that’s this other dimension we have here where everybody talks constantly about things that don’t matter and portray themselves as whatever they want to be. Yeah it’s the greatest most terrible thing we came up with in the last 30 years.

Also, here’s your smartphone. Your whole life and your connection to the world is in that so don’t lose it or drop it. In fact, you may wanna just graft it onto your body somewhere. Also, be prepared to worship it hourly..

I do have some bad news though.. The glaciers are melting and there’s way too many of us so don’t have any kids.. They won’t make it. Yeah it’s a whole weird thing. The oil industry makes enough money to fund the government and continually elect politicians who don’t believe in science. And the rest of us are too busy watching reality TV and tweeting about the next big scandal to do anything about it.

A’ight man. Enjoy the future. I’m ’bout to go stare at a computer monitor for 12 hours so I can afford to buy booze on the weekend.

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