Eat yo muthaphuckin’ heart out, it’s Remmyyy..
Das derived from a Drake line by the by..
Good day, internet. I’m sorry I don’t write enough. Nobody reads this (yet?) so my motivation dips from time to time on some “who the fuck am I even typing to?” shit. I live on Likes, folks. We talked about this. You don’t remember?
OK so I’ve been doing this online thing for a long time. My first social network was BlackPlanet. White folks might not know about BlackPlanet but it predated MySpace. For real. My page is still there. Check the Member Since date.
Then came MySpace. I was all over that tryna find local girls and blogging about nonsense. Then when I went to college, I got on Facebook (if you old like me, you know why me being in college at the time is relevant). Then eventually I got on twitter. I’m also on IG, Snapchat, and Tinder now that I’m newly single, but let’s focus on twitter for a moment (also, follow me or just read my tweets in the side bar if you can’t commit).
I’m from the original generation of millennial tweeters who just shared random thoughts and information before businesses, TV shows, and scandals took over. Back then it was still pretty much a giant chat room, but it was filled with what I think were introverts who needed to get it out somewhere. Twitter was the place. I fell in love almost immediately.
In my time on twitter, I found myself in some ups and downs, but today I wanna share the stories of how I got blocked by some of my favorite people on twitter (and one on facebook). Let’s start with numero uno:
Yes. That is her username on twitter. Yes that has been her username for as long as I can remember. Yes I never forgot it. She was easily to me one of the funniest people on twitter. Seriously go check her tweets on favstar.fm and have a good time. I recently stalked her twitter account from another twitter account (cuz she blocked me, remember), which I promise I don’t do often or really even at all, and it looks like she’s toned down her tweets a bit, but she’s still pretty entertaining.
Anyway, one lonely, unemployed week in Houston, I somehow managed to get her attention. I think it had something to do with the fact that we both lived somewhere in Texas. I have never met anyone off of twitter (still haven’t), but love (or ass, idk) was in the air that day, cuz we managed to set a date for me to come to wherever she was and hang out. Did I mention, I thought she was absolutely gorgeous? Still do, click the fucking username if you don’t believe me.
I think something deep down inside me didn’t want to go meet her and end up being dumb in person and fucking it up (plus I was in a bad place at the time). So.. She tweeted something. I don’t remember what exactly, but I think it was a strong opinion of hers that I immediately realized I opposed. Now you would think I would have sense enough to hold my tweets and go see what this chick was about before shitting on her opinions, but no..
No sense at all.
I said too much and after a few back and forths, I got Dikembe Mutombo’d. Can’t really do nothing when you get blocked on twitter except something that would be completely stalkerish and she and I didn’t know each other nearly enough for me me to be OK with stalking her. So that was it. I went ahead and gave it another shot from one of my other random lingering twitter accounts just to see if maybe there was a chance (I’m doubtful.. that bih stubborn).
This chick is an artist (a good one too). Most of the time she paints naked ladies (giggity). Our relationship never extended past twitter. To be fair, there was no relationship, just an @ every once in awhile. I don’t get too many replies on twitter, but she would hit me every once in awhile and I dug that. She was great for telling stories on twitter. Tales of her experiences were most entertaining. And.. to me.. she bad af.. And not bad in the “I got my ass and titties out for the internet cuz I’m bout these Likes” kind of bad but the “I’m gorgeous and I know it, so here’s a smile in my avi and maybe a little boob crease if you’re lucky” kind of bad. Given my block history, I would @ her a couple times with some strong opinions here and there, but asked her not to block me. She told me she wouldn’t. But then she did..
OK so you remember that video of the girl walking for 10 hours alone thru New York and getting holler’d at by (and completely ignoring) every Tom, Dick, and Harry within talking distance? The one that ended up being a bit controversial when you realized all those dudes were black dudes. Yeah that one. Well.. I have a problem. It’s not what you think. I tend to fight for the underdog in most scenarios. Given this video was made to make men look bad (read politically correct: shed light on a real issue), I felt the need to defend us (especially since I’m a dude). My defense wasn’t so much that these dudes weren’t wrong. My defense came from a very personal space.
The main argument I entertained was whether it was OK for a woman to ignore a man who speaks first. My southern followers said “When someone talks to you, you talk back. It’s common courtesy.” That’s a common courtesy I appreciate because I don’t deal well with being ignored. It makes me anxious. Not in a way that I would do harm to or curse anyone, but I just end up in my feelings about it. So for me, I’d rather you reject me verbally than not say anything if I speak to you. However, I also understood the argument that not all dudes will be as courteous about the rejection as myself, and sometimes engaging at all can be dangerous for a woman’s health.
The point that I wanted to make, while me and Ms. Yoda discussed the issue, was that being ignored can have a similar effect on a dude, therefore not necessarily preventing danger. I asked her “Do you know what it feels like to be ignored?” obviously speaking directly from within my feelings. Her response: “I’m blocking you”.
In a plot twist, I am still following her on Instagram, but I don’t engage cuz lightning already struck once and that shit hurt (being ignored > being blocked).
This block actually happened on Facebook. This one might be my favorite. because I don’t really regret it at all. But first, let me give you some meaningless backstory because this blog post is just not fucking long enough already. I don’t recall exactly how I know Ki Ki. Either she went to the same college as I did or someone she knows did and when I stumbled upon her Facebook page, I thought she was fine and classy so I added her. Soon after she started an online magazine called The Urban Feed, which I really enjoyed and supported on Facebook as much as I could (she even got a dope little interview with Melanie Fiona).
Aside from that, there was never really any connection between us. That is until one day, long after The Urban Feed had faded and she’d moved on to something else, she was at a McDonald’s or some fast food place. She decided to ask for water and use her water cup to get soda (or pop, who gives a shit) instead. Now that wasn’t the mistake. The mistake she made was sharing what she did on Facebook. You see, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a fucking comedian. I look for the funniest (and sometimes borderline controversial) thing to say in any given moment cuz I like having and spreading joy. So when her status said something like “I just asked for a water cup and got Sprite instead *lol smileyface*”, I knew of only one appropriate response.
Ki Ki is a young, beautiful, black woman who just took a moment to do some nigga shit. When niggas do nigga shit, it’s up to people like me and Aaron McGruder to point it out and laugh at it. So I commented “Ain’t you about a stereotype..” Now I knew it was probably too much. I didn’t know this girl well enough to call her out on public forum like that, even if it was just a joke. However, I wasn’t prepared at all for her response. I immediately got a message that read “Eat a dick bitch” and was blocked the next instant. She hit me with the insult message jab then block uppercut two piece. I laughed my ass off. Still laughing.
So listen, ladies. I know we had our bad days, but I’m willing to forgive and forget if y’all are. You see, I once was blind, but now I see that if a woman shares an opinion, you make sure you get the booty before you ask questions; if a woman follows the group think of an issue, you keep your personal feelings to yourself; if a woman wants to have a nigga moment and steal some gotdamn Sprite one gotdamn time, well you cheer her on and keep your commentary to your gotdamn self!
Shoutout to all the ladies on social media who never blocked me for my nonsense tho.. Rem loves you..