An Open Letter To My Ex-Fiancee

Dear Jenny,

I want you to know that I will always feel a way about you. I want you to understand that the me that you may see in this blog or online is not the me that feels this way about you. This me is a selfish me that is doing whatever I need to for me without consideration for anyone else. Avoid that version of me. That me is supposed to be in a cage somewhere but I let him out long ago so he roams free with no regard. However, I want you to know what the me that loves you feels about you.

I want you to know that you are fucking beautiful. You are beautiful in more ways than I can count. I love your brown skin. I love your hair (natural or relaxed). I love your eye lashes. I love your laugh. I love how genuine you sound when you say “bye” at the end of a phone call. I love your facial expressions (you should be an emoji). I love that you try new things. I love that you always try to be your best self. I love that you stay close to your mom no matter how rocky the relationship feels sometimes. I love that you talk to your father just about every day. I love that you never lied to me. I love that you never played games with my head. I love that you have always allowed me to be insecure and human without punishing me for it.

I love that you are delicate. I am sorry I was not able to handle your sensitivity responsibly. I love that you love tango more than just about anything. I am sorry that I do not love tango the same. I love that you want to play an equal role in your relationship. I am sorry that we could not agree on what equality meant. I love that you have faith in something greater than you. I am sorry I was never able to have the same level of faith. I love that you tried to do things to make me happy. I am sorry that those things did not always make me happy. I love that you do your best at work. I am sorry that I don’t always match that level of effort. I love that you felt it was time to be the best you when we got engaged. I am sorry that I was not ready to be the best me. I love that there is no one else in the world like you. I am sorry that I am not the one for you.

I want you to find someone who knows how beautiful you are. I want you to find someone who believes in God, Jesus, and the Bible and will help you grow in that. I want you to find someone who will take you dancing whenever you want. I want you to find someone who is never too busy for you. I want you to find someone who will never ignore or reject you. I want you to find someone to be happy with.

If you don’t find someone like that, I want you to know that it’s not because something is wrong with you. It’s because men don’t deserve angels.

You are going to be ok no matter what. Just keep going after what you want and take care of yourself.

Love always,
Jeremy

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