How The Curse of Miami and A Leather Jacket Killed My Relationship

Before we dig in, let me just talk about my bad luck with Miami since I have been living four hours away in Tampa. It seems most famous people don’t do shows in Florida. The ones who do typically go to Miami. Understandable, given it’s like the New York of the south. However, for some reason every single time I try to catch one of these shows, something happens to make me miss half or all of the show with often little to no chance of refunding the cost of the tickets.

The first show was Kevin Hart’s What Now. We didn’t leave at a reasonable time and when we got there the line to parking was so long that it took an hour for them to direct us to the plaza next to the venue where there was still parking left. I barely got there in time to hear Kevin Hart’s pocket pussy bit.

Then there was Jay Z and Justin Timberlake, a once in a lifetime show. A friend was moving in Gainesville the very same day. The plan was to help her move and make it to the show. However the moving (like every move ever) ran late as fuck and she had no one else to assist. By the time we were done, the amount of show that we would have seen wasn’t worth the long ass drive from Gainesville to Miami.

Then there was Louis CK. His only show anywhere near me for only like $35 per ticket. My new girlfriend (Bae) working a brand new job with erratic hours wouldn’t be able to get the day off to make the show and I couldn’t justify going without her so I missed one of the best comedians of our time in his comedic prime only a year before he got Me Too’d.

And then there is the latest debacle which sets the scene for our tale. Drake, after coming off record breaking sales from his newest album, Scorpion, was doing what might be the show of the year with his three Migos in Miami. This time I wasn’t going to fuck it up. No other plans? Check. Booked a hotel for the weekend. Check. Booked a car to drive down the day before the show with plans to leave the day after the show. Check. Bae had a better job and could actually get the Friday off so we could make the drive. Check.

Everything was solid. Solid like a Chevy truck. Metal Gear Solid. We drove in Friday evening and got a glimpse of the stadium. Bae couldn’t contain her excitement. She was in Miami, where she had never been before, to see her favorite artist with the love of her life. She was in love with the city immediately upon seeing the skyline. And we were staying right in the heart of downtown, just a brisk walk from the stadium.

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Miami Arrival

Fast forward to the next day. We had all day to hang out in Miami until the show. We went to Bubba Gump Shrimp, checked out a local museum, and did some shopping. Eventually we end up at the Guess store. I see a jacket that is calling my name. I try it on. It looks great on me..But it costs $150. I don’t spend that kind of money on clothes. I take it off and put it back on the rack. Bae, however, decides that she wants me to have that jacket. This for me is a predicament because as much as I am unwilling to spend that on myself, I am even more unwilling to allow her to do it. Her financial situation has always been delicate for as long as I have known her, so I have always been very financially protective of her. Let her tell it though (because eventually she will read this), I was just trying to control her with money. We’ll get to all of that in a bit.

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The Ender of Relationships

This jacket. This fucking jacket. This dope ass sexy ass piece of shit ass ruined my relationship ass jacket. That pic is current. I still have it. Bae is gone though. She left. I wanted her to leave. And the beginning of the end started with the purchasing of this jacket.

So she insisted on the purchase. Later that evening, we got lit on Apple Crown in the hotel room and started the short walk to the stadium for the Drake show. Along the way, we encountered a man selling drawings on the street. We were in such good spirits off good spirits that we went ahead and entertained him trying to sell us literal Xerox copies of drawings that all clearly had different signatures. This nigga didn’t draw any of these epics. In my drunkenness I wasn’t savvy enough to realize that or even give a fuck. I didn’t intend to purchase anything anyhow. But then he told us that the Drake show was canceled. We were like “wtf”..

Thanks to modern technology, we were able to verify his information. Being so drunk, I was convinced that he really helped us out so I proceeded to buy two of his pictures. One was of Barack Obama, the GOAT POTUS, and I think the other was of Prince, my secret daddy. Fortunately the show was rescheduled.. For two months later.. On a fucking Wednesday. A Wednesday that came and went. By the time we came up on that Wednesday, our communication had broken down completely and our relationship was in pieces. We didn’t go to the show. I sold the tickets. The curse of shows in Miami rearing its head again.. But this time with a much greater side effect.. The demise of my 3rd serious relationship.

So let’s get back to the jacket. I say the jacket killed our relationship but of course that’s not true. We had issues that we were unable to overcome together. But the jacket definitely triggered everything that lead to the end.

Some time later, bae found out that I gave a female friend a lot of money to pay her rent. By find out I mean, my original intention was to not tell her. Yeah I know.. I fucked up. I had my reasons. Bae.. or Ex-Bae now.. She has always been notorious for jealousy in our 3 year relationship span. Furthermore, our fights are always a hurricane. It is rare for one of our fights to now end with the police being called or one of us leaving home for a week. So in order to prevent triggering a fight that we may not be able to recover from, I opted not to share this information. Well.. Until I did share it.

A week after I gave that friend the money, Ex-Bae and I were having a conversation about this friend and she asked me if I had ever given her money.

Me: “Yes”
Ex-Bae: “How much?”
Me: “A lot”
*chaos*

So ultimately the fight I was trying to avoid still happened multiplied by the fact that I fully intended to keep this from her. I don’t know how to lie. I thought it was a virtue, but it fucks me more often than not. As the fight escalated, eventually Ex-Bae decided that I didn’t deserve the Guess jacket that she bought me in Miami. That crossed a very deep line for me. At that point I considered the jacket my property, gift or not, and taking something of mine from me because you are upset triggers me. My rebuttal.. If we are taking things back, if I take what I have given back, you would have nothing left. That’s not totally true. But given that I was paying all of the rent and all of the shareable bills, she would owe quite a bit if I decided to take back paying her half of everything. It was a dick thing to say. Like I said, I was triggered.

Anyway, I did more than just say that to her. I tweeted about it. Not only did I tweet about it, I tweeted it as if it were a bar in a diss song. I write mad diss bars about my girl on twitter when I get upset. Usually I keep it in check, but the fight got so bad, potentially relationship ending, and I was so upset that I couldn’t help myself. However, we made it through the fight.. But that tweet remained on my twitter.

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The Tweet That Ended It All

Fast forward to a month and a half later. Ex-Bae out of the blue sends me and instant message while I am at work about twitter. She asks how come I never respond to her on there. Twitter doesn’t give me notifications from people I don’t follow. I unfollowed her on twitter some time ago due to past problems we have had with each other due to social media.. Mainly that we both talk shit about each other on there when we get upset. I realized she still did when I went and took a look at hers for the first time in probably a year’s time.

Seeing that was triggering. Then she proceeded to tell me that my bankrupt tweet really hurt her feelings. I immediately got upset because it felt like she was trying to bring back an old fight. Let her tell it, she was just expressing her feelings and looking for understanding. It wasn’t a good time for me to give understanding. Even a mention of twitter from her is triggering because we have fought about it in one way or another for our entire relationship. I just wanted to avoid it so I didn’t interact with her on twitter, and more often than not, even avoided mentioning her. But all the while she was still following my posts and felt the need to address me about it. And this interaction spiraled into our usual relationship ending fight.

Over the next two weeks we would say terrible things to and about each other, I would pack my things and move to a friend’s house, we would go back to the thing we don’t like the most about the other person and hold on to the need for that to change, and eventually just hate each other. Eventually I decided that no matter what we were going to do with the relationship, I couldn’t live with her anymore. Living with her during conflict is always the worst, and either leads to me having to call the police on her or leaving. I was tired of it. I opted to stop by ending the living situation. And here we are. Blocked on social media.. Miles apart.. And more or less completely out of contact.. Except I know she will read this eventually. She won’t be able to help herself.. Just like I can’t help but to write it. And she will hate me for it. Because my truth always sounds to her like an insult to her. Because she never understands where I’m coming from.

Ultimately all I want is good things for her. Last time we spoke she made it clear she prefers to hate me. That’s fine. If there was anything I could do about her feelings, things wouldn’t have gone this route anyhow. It is what it is..

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Drake 2018

There’s probably 3 ways I would rate an album. One is percentage of songs liked on the album, another is simply total number of songs liked on the album, and more scientifically you could apply some weight to each song depending on how much you like it and build your rating scale that way. Another way to do this scientific method is to simply say how strongly you feel about the album which I think inadvertently applies the weight of the songs. If an album has like 3 of your favorite songs of all time on it, you are bound to hold that album over higher regard than a full album of just pretty good songs. I am going to list my order of Drake’s albums with their ratings based on these three scales, the third being the feel method rather than scientific because who has time for all that?

Also note that Scorpion is not fully being treated fairly here due to not having the luxury of age cuz it’s brand new. I may love other songs over time to push it higher on the list, but we’ll rock with this for now.

In order of percentage of songs liked:
80% Nothing Was The Same
78% Take Care
75% Views
67% So Far Gone
65% if You’re Reading This
62% Thank Me Later
52% Scorpion
36% More Life

In order of total songs liked, loved, or played again regularly:
15. Views
14. Take Care
13. Scorpion
12. So Far Gone
12. Nothing Was The Same
11. If You’re Reading This
09. Thank Me Later
08. More Life

In order of feelings about the album:
1. Take Care
2. Views
3. So Far Gone
4. Scorpion
5. Nothing Was The Same
6. Thank me Later
7. If You’re Reading This
8. More Life

For the record, all of these lists are bullshit. The real one would be the scientific one that applies the weights of the songs. It would provide the perfect balance of feelings and statistics and probably be the most accurate representation of how I would rank these albums based on my personal opinion. Perhaps on another day.

Us Too

One of the biggest problems in the world is not being able to relate your own problems to the problems of people unlike you. There are many parallels between poor black people and poor white people, but we can’t seem to find a common ground because of how different we feel like we are. This post isn’t about race, though. This post is about the freedom to flaunt. First let’s take a look what Drake’s dad said about the Me Too movement.

http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_3kkmp3h8/

For those who don’t want to click the video, he basically said women need to go home and stop putting themselves in these #metoo situations.

Ok I am not saying I agree with this man, but it’s a strong idea to consider when it comes to what is happening in the world. Of course women would argue that rape happens even in the most conservative of countries and under the least sexual of circumstances so it can’t be all on them to simply “cover up” or to not put themselves in these situations. Furthermore, it’s victim blaming. I will leave that at that.

Let’s look at something else that happened recently..

First and foremost, rest in peace to this man. He didn’t deserve this.

Now.. Let’s look at the circumstances. Rappers today and for the last several decades are the first to flaunt. They wear diamond studded chains and rap about their alleged finances. They do it because some of us enjoy hearing it. And then there are others of us who don’t care for it. And then there are the few among us who become envious because of it. That is what is to be assumed about the men who took the life of XXXTentacion. It was supposedly a robbery.

Now let’s look at the parallels. Women in America are able to dress in whatever suggestive way they like. That’s freedom. But in some ways that awakens the predators. The same can be said of any given individual, especially young black men coming from a place where people have nothing and strut around showing off everything they have since their talent got them paid. And the predators watch. Do you think Drake’s dad would say to his son not to put himself in the light? Not to shine in a way that makes men who aren’t eating so well want to take what he has? I doubt it. Drake just bought him a Bentley for Father’s Day.

I am not taking sides here. Just observing.. But I will end on this.. Maybe we all need to humble ourselves a bit more..

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Kanye Theory

I have been thinking and paying way to much attention to all this Kanye West shit. We all have. I discussed him during my whole lunch hour. I had a polarizing and futile argument with someone about him this morning. And I am watching a video of T.I. talk about him on The Breakfast Club right now.

Honestly it’s a bit refreshing though because finally someone I am interested in is outshining Trump’s media presence. Unfortunately it is BECAUSE of Trump.

Now.. Let’s examine a theory.

We are slaves. I am a slave. You are a slave. We are working on a plantation. We have no control over our own lives. The white man in the big house does. It almost sounds like a real metaphor, don’t it? But no I am speaking hypothetically. Imagine we are our slave ancestors. If you are white, take a moment to indulge in blackness. #NoCultureAppropriation You are a slave. Really envelope it for a moment. You don’t move when you want to. You are told when to move and if you refuse to move, you are punished severely. Real deal slavery. No metaphor.

Imagine there is another slave among us who has a position above us. He knows something we couldn’t possibly imagine. And because of that, he can’t even share information with us. In fact, we hate him. That nigga is the devil’s minion to us. He has close interactions with the white man who enslaves us. They laugh together while we die in the heat under the weight of free labor.

This “elevated slave” doesn’t hate us. In fact, he tries to share knowledge with us. He tries to teach us things that we couldn’t possibly learn under our circumstances. But still.. We see him pow wow with that white devil. How can we trust him? How can anything he says be taken at face value? How do we know he isn’t spying for the white man?

We can’t.

But he knows what he is doing. He knows that he is in a position to do something that we can’t do for ourselves, for we are but ordinary people enslaved physically and mentally. But he has a plan. But he can’t share it with us. See the same way we don’t trust him, he can’t trust us. He doesn’t know who among us is willing to sacrifice for a greater good or will out him for a chance at elevating ourselves. So he has to bear the burden of our hatred in order to save us.

Ok fine it was a metaphor lol..

After ingesting everything to do with Kanye West as of late, I am considering faith and accepting a possible ignorance. I have decided that maybe we need to trust his intentions over his actions. He has stated that he is for the people. I may not understand his motivations or the moves that he makes, but I know he has access to something that I don’t and he appears to be well intentioned.

Kanye West was interviewed by Charlamagne Tha God recently and that interview was published yesterday. It was enlightening in the sense that Kanye is more in touch with himself than it seems just from reading tweets and headlines. And he ended the interview on something that I think reveals everything. He walked Charlamagne through his newly purchased land ripe for development of a community. The last thing he said before the interview cut to black and ended was this: “Yeah we gon’ develop cities.”

wakanda-city

I think Kanye West wants to build Wakanda.

Kanye West showed in the interview that he has done the work from a fashion perspective and fully developed his knowledge and passion. He further expressed a desire to give his clothing away to people in need when the time permits. I think he intends to walk the same path with real estate. And who better to mentor him in real estate development than the most high profile real estate developer in the world right now, our President.

So that’s just the theory based on his recent actions and the interview.

The other thing that came out yesterday was him stating on the record that “slavery is a choice”. What an ignorant statement. Am I right? On the surface maybe.. But what if it’s more than that? Kanye expressed in the interview that he feels forward thinking is more important than dwelling on the wounds of the past. He doesn’t want to see Harriet Tubman on the 20 dollar bill because he doesn’t want constant reminders of our terrible history. Wouldn’t that be like constantly reminding a rape victim of his or her rape? Isn’t healing about focusing on something positive rather than the worst memory of your life? What if Kanye just wants to promote a Wakanda state of mind. If we believe that Wakanda is possible rather than focusing on what prevented Wakanda from coming into being, perhaps Wakanda can actually become a reality in time.

What if Kanye wants to build that for us? What if Kanye has developed a new found confidence, partially because of Trump as he has stated, that he can become the President of the United States. What if Kanye even has intention of going the unconventional route and attempting a Republican candidacy? Well he very well might need the support of the current President.

There were a few awkward pauses in the Kanye Interview with Charlamagne when Tha God asked questions of Kanye that would force Kanye to possibly go against his support for Trump. If Kanye has a goal in mind like what I describe, saying the wrong thing could destroy the foundation of what he might be attempting. So he says nothing. He can’t speak to us the way he wants to because doing so might jeopardize the dream. It might tarnish the carefully crafted and slowly developed relationship with “the white man in the big house”..

This isn’t something you could possibly account for if you take everything that has been happening at face value. So I have chosen a dream. Perhaps a delusion.. I could be way off base and Kanye West just might be going crazy. It’s the more likely scenario.

But Imma dream. MLK had a dream. Without that dream, and more importantly faith in that dream, we wouldn’t be where we are now would we?

Anyway, here’s some homework:

Ye x Charlamagne

Ye x T.I.

Ye vs. The People

For 400 years?

Mentally Enslaved

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T.I. on Kanye

Dragon Energy

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What the fuck is wrong with Kanye West y’all? That was rhetorical. Kanye isn’t doing anything new. Let’s take a minute to analyze who Kanye is and what his motivations are.

Kanye has always been an eccentric rapper/producer from Chicago. Kanye West has always been driven by his own ego. I consider myself a fan of his music, but truth be told, he can’t really make a hit without a sample. So he’s not the greatest producer, but making hit singles isn’t exactly easy, so he clearly is an artist.

I personally don’t view College Dropout as the same masterpiece that everyone else does. I personally thought Late Registration was way better. That’s because I am less in tune with a rapper’s message than I am with how good the music sounds, and to me, Late Registration is just better on the ears. Simply put, there’s more songs that I enjoy and would replay on his second album than on his first.

So somewhere around the time of the release of Late Registration, Hurricane Katrina happened and Kanye West famously did this:

Kanye is clearly an emotional person. And saying something like this felt like he was saying something we all wanted to say at the time. Kanye West became our hero that day.

Then came Graduation. I remember when this album was on the way, 50 Cent apparently famously claimed that if Kanye West outsold him first week that he would quit doing music. From what I recall, Kanye’s album stomped 50’s. But of course 50 didn’t quit. I don’t recall Kanye ever saying anything about it, but I found it ironic that one of Kanye’s biggest singles from the album coincidentally had a line referencing a 50 Cent line.

50 told me go ‘head switch the style up 
And if they hate then let ’em hate
And watch the money pile up

Here’s where things begin to take a turn. 808s and Heartbreak was a huge risk on Kanye’s part. Because let’s be honest, nobody wants to hear Kanye sing.. Not for a full goddamn album. There was some decent music on that album though and there are plenty of people who would say that was his best album. It definitely revealed Kanye as a risk taker.. But it essentially killed the “Old Kanye”. I recalled having arguments about Late Registration because fans of College Dropout felt Kanye had already moved too far beyond his conscious roots and depth to make more sonically enjoyable and shallower music. But like I said, I loved that album. Those College Dropout fans would naturally see 808s and Heartbreak as a continued fall from their ideal Kanye, even though that album might be considered his most personal album.

If that album wasn’t controversial enough, the next came this..

I have never been a Taylor Swift hater but on the other hand I agree with Kanye here. Beyonce’s Single Ladies was iconic. Taylor Swift’s single was great and all, but Single Ladies was an anthem and the video was one of the most memorable things from that year, aside from Kanye shitting on Taylor’s moment at the VMAs of course. On top of that, there’s this:

If this isn’t a pretty hardcore blow to the ego, I don’t know what is. The first African American President verbally expresses an opinion about you, and it aint positive. Obama has only ever had good things to say about Jay Z. Big Brother wins again.

I would say all of this put the cracks that started Kanye’s rift with black America. He got points for the Taylor Swift thing, but everything else kind of left him as a bad taste in our mouths.

Then came 2010.. The comeback year. Kanye dropped My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. That album to me was a masterpiece, and furthermore masterfully marketed.

He debuted one of the singles at the VMAs. I remember people wondered if he was apologetic toward Taylor Swift and if would possibly take this opportunity to express that. Nah. He performed Runaway, which seemed to be Kanye embracing his place as the guy who has to say the wrong thing at the right time because somebody has to:

It was perfect. Furthermore, he created a movie showcasing the music from the album:

And was going around shopping the album with his artists in suits, walking around looking like black Wall Street.

On top of all of that, one of the singles pretty much showcased Nicki Minaj’s lyrical skill, making her a household name overnight:

You couldn’t tell Kanye shit in 2010. He had fallen and risen like a phoenix (which by the way was one of the subject’s of his Runaway movie). His artistry was on full display and those of us paying attention were in awe of it.

One thing nobody acknowledged tho.. Remember that white girl that was with him at the VMAs during the Taylor Swift fiasco? Well obviously they were done. And if you listen closely, half of Dark Fantasy is about her. Especially this song, which I am pretty sure features her:

So yeah, I wonder if that phoenix was Amber Rose. Who knows.

After a year like that, why wouldn’t Kanye take some time to himself. But in that time, with little to no positives to drive his image, it began to deteriorate. That’s when his relationship began with Kim Kardashian. That’s when he dropped his most mediocre body of work, Yeezus. That’s when he was trying to break into fashion and feeling like his genius was being held back. That’s when he was going around defending his new found passion and music and being demolished in radio interviews:

Around this time I began to consider that maybe Kanye West really was a genius. See he was having yet another bad year. But he had followed up 2009 so beautifully after the whole Taylor Swift thing that I figured this might be by design. So at that time, I decided that regardless of what happened, I knew Kanye was going to come back in dramatic fashion afterward. And I was almost right. Kanye learned to stop talking about fashion so much and just started doing that shit. His shoes, Yeezys, are a success story. They still sell out when released to this day. His follow up album could probably be considered a success. I didn’t care for The Life of Pablo as a whole, but it was definitely a step above Yeezus. However, there seemed to be an apparent fallout with Jay Z. And then there was shit like this:

It all has just felt like Kanye has been trying to hold on, but is still deteriorating. Understandably. I think Kanye’s ego is quite fragile and fame is crazy. It can make you crazy if you don’t manage it properly. Look at everything Michael Jackson went through.

So I have said all of this to talk about the Kanye we have today. The one who appears to support Trump and at the same time doesn’t mind being vocal about that support. I believe Trump and Kanye are of similar minds. Two individuals driven almost entirely by their ego. It feels like a turn for Kanye to be supporting Trump after being the same man who called out George W Bush on live TV. We would expect that Kanye to have the same opinion about Trump. But that’s because we thought we knew that Kanye. We thought we knew his motivations. Kanye is about self, same as Trump. Kanye most likely feels like we turned our backs on him a long time ago. But he still has to go on.. And Trump didn’t call him a jackass. Truth be told, Kanye West having a relationship with Trump, the most powerful man in the world, will probably be quite beneficial. He blew his chance at having that with Obama, so fuck it, why not Trump.

I’m not saying I approve. But I understand. Y’all think Kanye is fucked up. Nah. He knows what he’s doing. And in the end it will probably benefit him more than being the old Kanye that we all miss. We lost Kanye a long time ago. When it suits him and he actually has something to offer us, maybe he’ll come back. Till then, yeah he’s pretty much in the sunken place. It is what it is..

UPDATE (5/1/2018)

Kanye is up to something..

Also:

The New Age of Parenting

This is yet another brilliant idea of mine. I was talking to a new mom friend of mine yesterday. She just recently created her second life. I have not created any lives. Ever since she and I started hanging out back in 2011 I decided that she and I were pretty much the same kind of person. In reality we are vastly different, but we had several parallel personality traits and drives. We don’t speak much anymore ever since she moved away, got married, and started making babies. Not to mention we were once a pretty tight trio including my ex-girlfriend. So things are very different now. Everyone is in a very different place.

She was talking to me about how her daughter in her terrible twos doesn’t listen. After having my nephew live with me at that age, I learned you really only have two choices with children at this level. You can spank them or you can bribe them. What terrible choices. I personally have the policy of not negotiating with terrorists, so I refused to bribe my nephew, regardless of the fact that his mother kept chips or candy on hand to get him under control. Not me. I would just suplex that little boy.

It’s exhausting. So here’s an idea. We need shock collars for kids. Before you call the authorities, hear me out. White people have ALREADY opened the door, putting those damn leashes on their babies. Baby leashes are perfect and necessary if you think about it. Babies are suicidal. They are looking for every opportunity to run out into traffic the second mom isn’t looking, and get their parents thrown in jail for neglect. Selfish little bastards. Of course they don’t know better. Anyway, since we already have leashes, why not go all the way and shock em to stop em.

“My whole life now is changing diapers and saying stop and sit down” -Candi

Ok I’m kidding. That’s not the idea. I actually brought up something during our conversation that made me wonder why this doesn’t exist. With millennials being so much more free and in tune with themselves, they aren’t getting married as much as their parents. Women in general are growing to be ok with not having a relationship and instead focusing on themselves and their career. It’s a new age and marriage is dead. However, marriage can’t die. At the moment, there is no better environment for a child to thrive than within a strong marriage. But strong marriages are a dime a dozen. So maybe it’s time to reinvent the wheel. And the funny thing is, we are almost there already. We have sperm banks and all of these avenues for individuals to become parents. Here’s another one that I think may be long overdue due to societal norms and how controversial it would be.

There are way too many dating sites. They all have one of several goals in mind. To set us up with someone to spend our lives with, or at the very least someone to spend the night with. All circumstances that ultimately lead to emotion filled relationships that often lead to children. Let’s get that emotion the fuck out of there. How about a “matchmaking” website that simply matches two people who want to pro-create. Before I continue, let’s ponder on this. As usual, let’s jump to a song or stand up comedy clip to further analyze the concept:

Louis CK feels like he is the best version of himself as a parent under his current circumstances of divorce. Think of what he had to do in order to get there. The roller coaster of a relationship that ultimately did not work out. Divorce (and the bad relationships that it stems from) fucks adults and kids up. I think it fucks kids up because it takes their normal, tears it apart, and puts it back together in a different way. Worse, sometimes the parents can’t work out a mature agreement the way Louis and his ex-wife have and the kids are caught in the hurricane of it. It’s not healthy.

So back to my idea. Give consenting adults a tool (website/app) to do research and make a conscious decision to co-parent children without the love or marriage to another person. It would simply be an agreement between two adults to create a new life together and split the parenting. It’s basically jumping to the divorce phase of a relationship without all of the feelings involved.

I know..

It would be the most controversial thing since the 2016 election. It would create a new issue for Republicans and Democrats to completely take opposite positions on like abortion or gun control. I can already see the website headquarters being fire-bombed by religious fanatics. I can also see the creator of the website essentially being crowned the next Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Bezos, or Steve Jobs as a forward thinker. Why? Because it would essentially pioneer yet another thing to enhance human beings beyond our current limitations. This is not to say that love is a limitation. Love is a beautiful thing. But at the same time it’s a drug and we often make bad decisions on drugs. However one’s love for their children. That’s probably the best love there is. There is nothing more powerful. So let’s stop coupling that love with the fleeting love that comes and goes with relationships and marriage. Forcing them together is probably what is creating so many fucked up human beings. I mean.. aside from all of the mayhem that goes on outside of rich countries.

Walmart Ass Puzzle

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First and foremost, I’d like to say fuck this beautiful ass infuriating ass Walmart ass puzzle.

I don’t recall the exact date I purchased this puzzle but I can do a roundabout. Early 2017 me and my girl had a bit of a spat and as a way of spending more time together, we started doing puzzles and watching Game of Thrones together. We went ham on this sexy savage tiger puzzle that we got from a hobby shop.

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can’t believe I just found this mf by googling “tiger puzzle” lol

It got agonizing in all the tiger’s orangeness and the grey faded rocks, but we powered through and now this bitch is mounted on our wall, sad and defeated. Lil bitch. We were so impressed with ourselves that sometime after, but definitely before Game of Thrones season 7 started, we decided to get another one. We saw the box containing all of the pieces of the beautifully constructed puzzle you have witnessed at the top and decided to give it a go.

This goddamn motherfucking Walmart ass puzzle..

While working on this puzzle and my girl being exposed for the first time to The Hound’s genius and ferocity, we soon realized what we were in for. I stress “Walmart ass puzzle” because that is what I found myself exclaiming as I realized the flaws of this puzzle. Multiple times we encountered pieces that appeared to fit well in places other than where they go. PUZZLE PIECES SHOULD NOT HAVE OPTIONS. Walmart don’t give a fuck, they’re tryna make a buck. We soldiered on.

Eventually we grew weary, but at least we had completed the entirety of the edge, the house, the ducks, the flowers, the boat, and the dock. As my girl’s interest in the puzzle and Game of Thrones began to wane and my interest in a certain video game that enveloped my 2017 began to peak, we spent less time working on this monstrosity. Especially when we got to the hardest pieces to match within the various trees. Then, one fateful day something happened.

We kept the puzzle in the second bedroom with the door closed so as not to be meddled with by our rambunctious roommates who also happen to be of similar species to the subject of our previous puzzle. These clawed assholes were looking for a chance to destroy our work. One day, we gave one of them just that. The black cat, named Batman because as a little kitten his face kind of looked like a bat, found himself locked in the second bedroom one afternoon. We hadn’t done a good job of ensuring the room was clear before closing the door for the day as we went to work. And so when we returned, Batman has pretty much taken apart an entire corner of the puzzle along with all of the ducks and the flowers. We redid most of what was destroyed but by this time, bae was pretty much done and without any help, I lost most of my motivation as well. Thus began a hiatus from the puzzle.

Capture

During this time a single puzzle piece managed to end up on the floor and in the vacuum cleaner. The piece was recovered but was never the same again. It was one of those 4 corners pieces that is symmetric in multiple directions and has 4 concave connections, shaped kind of like a four-leaf clover. The thick bottom cardboard part of the piece and the thin upper layer of the picture has gotten separated and worn a bit. We put the piece in a baggy and vowed to glue it back together one day..

One day..

Still, I refused to give up. So when moving day came and we had to make a decision of what to do with the puzzle, I got creative. The puzzle was on our card table. I took apart a box and taped parts of it together to create a flat surface to cover the puzzle. Then I used packing tape to tape that box atop the puzzle onto the table, securing it in place. We put the rest of the pieces that had not yet found their home back in the box. After the move, the table sat folded in a corner, the box of remaining pieces on a shelf. There the puzzle sat for about 6 months.

Then one day, I noticed that moving the table around had exposed the puzzle. Pieces of a corner were peeking out from beneath the cardboard. Having taken a day of not addictively playing video games, I decided to set up the table and have a closer look at the puzzle. Aside from that corner, it was still well put together. I began messing around with making additional connections and by the end of the week, the puzzle had me hooked all over again. I found myself employing intricate strategies to finally determine where most of the tree pieces needed to go. All the while, bae would sometimes pass by the table and attempt a connection, then get frustrated and go back to watching Law and Order. Eventually I got down to enough pieces that I could separate them based on their shape, and when looking at a missing area, I could look among specific pieces based on color and connect-ability. This all sounds technical but I am just making this up as I go.

I even managed to get the fucked up piece that got vacuumed up into place. I left that spot open for a long time because I had sworn I ran out of pieces with that shape of 4 concave connections and had resigned to likely be missing a few pieces. Then I remembered that piece we had stashed and it fit like a glove on OJ Simpson. It didn’t fit great at the moment but that doesn’t mean it never did. I managed to get it in there well enough.

Once I hit the final stretch, pieces were flying into place like hotcakes. And when I ran out of pieces, there were still two spots exposed. I let out a sigh and went to bed. The next morning I found one of them on the floor. The other has yet to be found. But I’ll find that motherfucker. Maybe. Idk. I glued the puzzle yesterday so I will probably put it up on the wall this evening.

And this.. This is life.. And life of course is not at all perfect so when you reach the end, of course there will still be something missing. Along the way there will be trials and tribulations. You will think things will go one way and they end up going another. Where pieces seem to fit they actually go on the other side of the picture. Pieces will be lost. Pieces will be damaged. Some parts of progress will breeze by while others seem to take every ounce of patience you can muster. Progress will be impeded and even removed by inside and outside forces. You will reach a point where it all seems futile and you want to give up. But if you power through, you get to see the fruit of your struggles. Such is life.. A beautiful imperfect Walmart ass puzzle.